If I Make More – Women, Men & Money
Last night I had the pleasure of attending a salon put on by GoGirl Finance called “Breaking The Taboo around Women, Men & Money” : A dialogue about the changing nature of money, power, and relationships. GoGirl Finance is a great financial resource for women but that is no replacement for in person dialogue and so I was thrilled to be able to attend. I was probably the youngest person in the room and so it was interesting to hear about how finances have played a role in the other attendees romantic relationships further along in life.
Successful women from a variety of financial and cultural backgrounds shared the effect money has had on their relationships. While there were major differences, there was one similarity they all shared – if they made more money then their partner (in this case all partners were male) they had a problem.
The problem was often that their partner would become jealous or feel emasculated. However, what interested me most were the women who admitted that when they made more than their partners, they respected their partners less. This, for many of them, has led to disfunction, unhappiness, and sadly divorce.
In some cases, the woman’s partner stepped up and assumed the role of primary caregiver and caretaker of the household. In most cases, women are left with a second shift. They work full-time and then come home and, rather than being able to relax, are expected to make dinner, clean, and help their kids do their homework.
The new Pew Research Center Study says that 4 in 10 children are being raise by women who are the primary breadwinner in their household. So this isn’t an isolated issue and if profoundly successful women like those present at the GoGirl Finance event are having so much trouble it is safe to suggest that the problem is not isolated.
As a young women with every intention of having a very successful career I am left asking myself if it is possible to ‘win’? It seems like all of these statistics and stories are telling us that if a woman makes more than a man there is trouble. That said, only dating men who are likely to make more than you is not conducive to romance.
Leaving the event I felt engaged, educated, but also lost. What’s a girl to do?
My recent GoGirl Finance article on managing money in college.
I call baloney. It doesn’t matter who makes how much money. It matters how you handle your own relationship. Those of us who have it good and are socially conditioned not to brag too loudly about it – or to attend events about it, because it’s a non-issue.
I am part of a group of five successful professional 40-ish women (who get together weekly to watch Survivor) who all have husbands who make a whole lot LESS than we do… and yet we all have thriving, supportive relationships. Oh, and when you have young kids BOTH mom and dad work a “second shift” (the sooner both parents accept this, the sooner you can start joking about dropping the kids off at the SPCA on the way home from daycare.)
So, don’t lose heart. Those of us who love our work, who earn a good living at it, and who have great partners are out there. There are a lot of us. (And be persistent and you’ll join the ranks, too). We’re just too busy enjoying life to crow about it.
(Yes, I know I’m replying to a very old post. After your lovely Voluntourism piece I found myself creeping your blog, and just couldn’t let this one go unanswered.)