Body Shaming and a Skinny Girl’s Search for “Real” Women
I have weighed just about the same since my freshman year of high school (2006). I am 5′ 4″ and fluctuate between 120 and 130lbs. I wear a 34D bra but a 26 in pants, a proportion that is made even more dramatically evident by my ridiculously long legs and very short waist. I love my body.
A few weeks ago I was commuting to work and saw an advertisement featuring a bikini-clad Kate Upton. Her face was blacked out in permanent marker and, written over her chest, was a plea — “Show us real women.”
I don’t know if Kate Upton’s boobs are real and I am pretty sure that she dyes her hair, but neither of those things should affect her “womanhood” in any way. Where I see beautiful curves, someone else must see something wrong.
I’ve grown up in a time in which there is a push-and-pull relationship between the media’s depiction of beauty and our country’s rapidly expanding waistlines. Very few of the stars that young girls look up to are reflective of the average woman’s body. It has been argued that this creates an unhealthy perception of what women should look like and pressures girls into fad diets, over exercising, and even eating disorders.
A few years ago, Victoria’s Secret stopped selling their ‘fancy’ underwear in size XS/Petite. Around the same time all of the 0′s seemed to disappear from the pants department at The Gap. When I complained about this to my mom she looked at me and said that it was ridiculous to whine about being too skinny. I understand her point, I am not regularly discriminated against because of my weight, but I was still bummed that I couldn’t get the lacy underwear that I coveted.
If America’s waistlines are growing I, as a business person, understand clothing manufacturers shifting their production to fit the mass market. However, it irks me that the sizes worn by the models that these companies plaster on billboards and send down runways are not available in the stores themselves. While this bothered me, I learned not to bring it up with my friends because they, like my mom, were confused if not outright angry that I was “whining about being skinny.”
I am an athletic, intelligent, driven, and strong young women who would like to consider herself “real”, but seeing Kate Upton’s picture defaced hit a nerve with me. First off, biologically being a women has nothing to do with weight, or pant size, or bra size, or any of the other superficial physical characteristics that women seem to obsess over in front of the mirror. Secondly, to define a “real” woman by physical characteristics is hurtful no matter your size.
Me being skinny does not make me any more or less of a woman and to label Kate Upton, me, or anyone else of any size “unreal” or “fake” because of her size or shape is the same type of body shaming that women’s activists claim to be fighting against especially when it comes to “plus-sized” or more curvy women. Saying that Kate Upton is fake doesn’t bolster your argument, it makes it null and void. If any woman can have her “realness” taken away, all of us could be subject to the same fate.
Right now the biggest threat to a woman’s self-esteem and body image isn’t Hollywood, it’s her peers. It’s the ‘regular’ women with whom she commutes, sits next to at cafes, or who she sees drawing on Kate Upton on the way to work. Next time you criticize a woman of any size about her body or the way she looks, be she your sibling, friend, or a stranger on the street, check yourself. We are strong, we are powerful, and we are women no matter our proportions.
This is so true. Growing up in the 60’s and 70’s I felt self-concious with my 125-135 lb.s and 5’7″…would dress to hide my slimness and I was flat chested too. Then the style changed and in the mid 80’s I still was the same size, I would get comments like “You weight THAT much!!”The tables had turned…I was either too slim, not curvy enough, not busty enough and women made the comments…never men. I am older now and heavier and love my curves…love any size I am from different periods of my life. I love your post!!
What you may be missing here is that, regardless of her appearance in real life, the image of Kate Upton on that billboard likely wasn’t “real” – and those curves or appearances that you appreciate may very well be enhancements in Photoshop that are not true to Kate Upton -or any “real” woman. One only has to look at some of the recently released comparisons between original and “retouched” ads and magazine covers to see how unreal bodies in advertising can be. I agree that women should love and respect all bodies,but that is hard when the bodies constantly presented are not only consistently smaller than the average but also devoid of any “imperfections” that may unite them with all bodies.
ughhhh pipppaaaaa I disagree with you haha. This is why:
1) I don’t think you understand what the defacing of the Kate Upton picture was trying to accomplish. If this picture was an advertisement, it is highly likely the picture was doctored through photoshop, professional lighting, hair, and makeup. Meaning that even Kate Upton does not look like the Kate Upton that is portrayed in the picture.
Constantly seeing pictures in advertisements of women who have no pores, no blemishes, perfect everything, contributes to self-objectification in women.
2) While you are complaining that they are no longer making the “pretty” underwear in your size, think about how many women have to have their clothes custom made for them because even the plus size stores do not carry their size, or if they do, they are cost-prohibitive. This is happening on a much larger scale than the very small percentage of women that currently can fit into an extra small.
3) It is not a matter of removing smaller women from the media, there is simply a plea for more diversity. Body diversity, racial diversity, age diversity, cultural diversity. Because yes, skinny white girls exist, but they are being hugely over-represented.
4) Saying that the media is not to blame for fat-shaming, and your female peers are, is to say that your female peers are unaffected by the media. Take a look at this study if you really believe that: http://www.nytimes.com/1999/05/20/world/study-finds-tv-alters-fiji-girls-view-of-body.html
Hi Martha 🙂
So, I love you. As you know I write polarizing pieces with the goal of getting reactions on both sides of the fence. I absolutely agree that it is likely that the photo was photoshopped and possible that the photo was defaced with that in mind, but that wasn’t specified – all it said was that she wasn’t real. Also, I am not arguing that media isn’t to blame at all, just that it isn’t the only thing. If we decide to not listen to/support the media there wouldn’t be a market for this stuff. But we watch Joan Rivers bash people on Fashion Police and then do the same to others every day at work/school. We are a piece of this, to deny that is to relinquish any control.
Love,
Pippa
I’m naturally slim and have seen and experienced the same as you, one of the things that really cheeses me off at the moment is the TV series Supersize Vs. Superskinny, now to me Skinny is a very negative word, why didn’t they choose Supersize Vs. Superslim!! They have corrected one from being too negative but not the other! 😀
Like I always say. Popularism. Name of the game.
I think this video is appropriate to reply to this post –
http://youtu.be/sZdA2Q4KQjE
I think the most beautiful feature in a woman is her nose (comes right next to the eyes. Literally. Lol!). But when you start to like a person even an imperfection can seem beautiful.
What is perfection, by the way?
I am a guy, in case you are wondering.
Regards,
BP
I agree we should not be shaming each other, fat or slim. Real women come in all shapes and sizes!
Martha,
Thank you for the wonderful counterpoint As a mother of three daughters this concerns me a great deal. The best thing we can do, besides pushing for more diversity in ads, is project a love of our own bodies in front of our daughters (even if we don’t feel it).
Pippa,
Kate Upton was almost certainly retouched. Almost every person you see in an ad has been retouched, so, the photo of her was, quite literally, depicting an unreal person.
-JM
Extrange reallity you talk about, can’t tell if is true or just brat bragging/whining. US citizen are fat and I guess they feel like they have to defend themselves, or even they’re just rejecting something different. However, can’t feel like skinny boobed girls have “big threats to their self-steem”.
Whether the Upton image was Photoshopped is, in my mind, secondary. It is an important element to consider, but there are women, and maybe even Upton herself I don’t know, who do look like that; they do have great skin, large breasts, thin waists, etc. They are just as much real women as any other women.
If the defacer was protesting Photoshop, he or she should have said ‘Don’t Photoshop reality’ or something along that line. If he or she was protesting a certain shape or size as not being real, then I think they are off base and exacerbating the polarization of women from each other, not unifying them.
Reblogged this on Batok kelapa.
Just my two cents worth, I have been tall and slim at 5’8″ 125-130. That was until my second child was born and then I bloated and carried excess weight. One day I walked into a Calvin Klein store to buy jeans and was promptly told they did not carry anything above a size 12. Even if it was temporary, I was still embarassed by the way I was treated… it was as if I had a disease because of my size at the time. So I guess what I am saying is that I have been on both sides of the size coin and understand your argument/views. I have been “discriminated” against when I have been thin and plump!
Hi, I appreciate the thoughts that you shared in your article, but you touched on some things in such a way that I am feeling compelled to respond. It was hard to read this without a very real cringing sensation.
You say that a woman is more than her appearance, but then all you talk about is appearance.
1. I would argue that it is easy to say that “appearance is not a thing” when appearance is not a thing for YOU, as you said it yourself; “I love my body”. I am genuinely glad that you love your body and I wholeheartedly believe that we all should. But how easy is it to say this and to feel this way when your body is perfectly aligned with the socially-constructed “ideal”?
You ARE the ideal – why shouldn’t you love your body? Why should appearance be a concern for you?
2. Also, thank you; what makes a woman a “woman” DOES have nothing to do with appearance.
3. And yes, I agree; there are people who do fit in the small sizes and why shouldn’t they be able to find clothes in their size too? This is not the point that I am arguing. I am also trying to appreciate where you are coming from. I was once blissfully un body-conscious, too. I walked around my house naked and ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, all without a second thought. I was also in the same height/weight range as you are. I could not understand dieting or weight obsession.
4. While you may be naturally skinny or blessed to love your body, I would advise you (and in doing so, I may be a bit less than humble myself) to find a slightly more humbled outlook on those who are not as privileged to fit (literally and figuratively) the blonde and blue, beach-toned body-image ideal that you boast. Because the fact that you can’t find your name brand lingerie seriously cries “spoiled-brat”.
All I have to say is this; As with the arguments for reverse-sexism and reverse-racism, yes, if a woman is oppressing a man this is still not ok. Yes, if a colored person is oppressing a white person this is still not ok. BUT ‘male’ and ‘white’ are un-revokably privileged with social capital;
You are a skinny body-confident youthful white woman – you are not oppressed. If the models who too closely represent your own body are being called to question, this is NOT about YOU, this is a cry from a deep pain that you apparently are not familiar with.
yes.
I find myself empathizing with this. I’m fairly tall, what some would say is an “ideal” height for a male, 6’4″, with a 13 to 14 shoe size (56-58). Both of these attributes make shopping difficult. I’ve mentioned this to people and they just look at me like I’m nuts for complaining about being a tall man. It’s not complaining about being too tall, or too skinny, but the fact that it should be easier to find clothes that fit properly, especially in the case of the people who are selling it are the size you need. If there was a picture of someone that looked like me in body or shape, and someone wrote “show real men” I would be somewhat surprised and annoyed that people didn’t think I was a real man because I fit a certain body type. All of this is ignoring that she probably was photoshopped because I don’t think you were trying to discuss the production of the image, but the fact that someone decided she wasn’t real, which by extension made you unreal…and your underwear disappeared, making you feel more invisible.
Body image has nothing to do with the type of body someone actually has, it has to do with how they see themselves. I dated a girl with almost identical proportions and she had body image issues. As a result of her figure, she seemed to have more struggle being seen as a person and not an object than women with different body types I’ve known. I can’t say that this is a fact, just how it seemed.
I think any woman who is proud of her body, no matter whether it’s the “ideal” or not, should be applauded in this society. Every time you turn around there’s another commercial trying to point out new “flaws.”
I don’t think you can say you fit an “ideal” of anything without sounding immodest, but this doesn’t sound like bragging to me, but rather stating facts.
Having said all that, more natural diversity in the media would be a welcomed site. It seems the media is the source, and the people accept their definitions. We all have a part in this, men and women. Men need to ignore the messages of “this is beauty,” just as women do.
I appreciate your point here. Sometimes I think those campaigns are doing good – I have seen good things from the Dove Campaign for Real Beauty (although I have also heard not-so-good things. I just particularly liked the video that showed the photoshop process)… but I am also a ‘skinny girl’ and have faced much of what you describe. Until recently when I gained 35 lbs on a new medication, I had weighed 80 lbs and been 5’1″ since I was twelve years old. I was legitimately wearing the exact same clothes I wore to sixth grade. I’m twenty-five. All the time people would comment on my weight. “Oh my god, you’re so skinny, are you anorexic?!” “I’d kill to have a body like yours” “I could probably pick you up, what do you weigh, like 90 pounds?” (Me: 80. Them: I hate you.) In conversations about how hard it was to find jeans that fit, I’d chime in, “I *know*, it is so hard for me to find jeans that are both short AND skinny, the only stores that ever make jeans that fit me in the waist make them way too long!” and inevitably get a “Oh, hush, you haven’t got anything to complain about”. On, and on, and on. You know, if I’d been overweight it wouldn’t have been socially acceptable for all those people to comment on my weight, especially in the brash way that they did. What if I HAD been anorexic (I was not)? What did they expect me to say? “Oh, yes, I am anorexic, thank you for noticing, I’ll now tell you all about it since you so kindly made that not-at-all personal observation!”??
I’m happy to report that I’ve gained 35 pounds and can now wear a size 3 short in Kohls jeans, thus ending my looooong pants struggle. I can also increasingly buy my clothes in petites instead of juniors. But my perspective hasn’t changed. If we want to embrace ‘real’ women, we have to embrace them in all sizes and shapes. “Real” does not mean curvy. “Real” includes curvy, but it also includes so-skinny-I-can-wear-my-six-year-old’s-shorts. And everything up, down and in between. We aren’t helping anyone by alienating a *different* group of women.