Last night I boarded a flight from SJC at 10:30pm PT. In true red-eye fashion, I fell asleep before we took off and woke up just as we touched down at JFK about 6 hours later (7am ET). Gathering my bags (carry-on only, of course) I made my way to the AirTrain, LIRR-d to Penn, and took the subway home with a quick pit-stop at my favorite local bakery to grab a chocolate chip muffin. I told myself that I would be civilized and not eat it until I got home, but as soon as I was handed it and realized it was still warm from the oven I started stuffing it in my mouth like a 4 year old.

It was one of those moments in which I remember that, although I was returning from a business trip, have a job, pay rent, and (attempt to) project the appearance of an adult, I am 21 years old.

I think about those posters that say “It’s [time], do you know where your kids are?”

Well, it is 12:30pm on a Friday and most of my friends are in school. For example, my sister Martha just returned to Smith, my roommate Scout is in our apartment at the kitchen table figuring out her schedule for Barnard, and a friend of mine from Columbia is planning on stopping by after he gets out of class this afternoon.

I am laying on my couch, computer on my lap, taking a break from work to write a blog post. I don’t have an office yet, so most days I rotate between my bed, couch and table. By-and-large I make my own schedule which means that I often go to the gym at 11am with all of the stay-at-home moms and I take so many mid-day Pinkberry breaks that the employees are starting to pity me. My parents, if asked “Do you know where your kid is?”, would have no clue!

I am constantly trying to reconcile the fact that, while on my resume and in my work life I look like an adult with a career, I make the same inexplicably stupid decisions, ridiculous mistakes, and have the same absurd insecurities as most young people my age.

After I unlocked my apartment door and dropped my bags onto the floor I looked into the hall mirror to see a visibly tired face covered in chocolate chip muffin. Hello 21.