Loss In The Time Of Cancer

Loss In The Time Of Cancer

I wasn’t planning on posting today. I am on vacation and was giving myself a few days off, but it is in those few days that we take for ourselves that things tend to hit us that we never saw coming.

Yesterday, an old friend lost her father after a battle with cancer that has spanned our entire friendship – over 10 years. I never knew her father before illness, and yet he was always something that I thought of as strong, resilient, and almost infallible. He faced each setback with a courage that inspired those around him and consistently defined my idea of strength. Whether walking with a cane, in a wheelchair, or cruising around unaided, he never seemed to be ill. He was who he was, and he always seemed determined to not let it define him.

Over the years, my friend and I have drifted apart. We don’t talk much anymore, and I don’t know if we will ever be close again, but I think about her frequently. I think about how much love she has for her sisters, how ferociously protective she is of those she loves, and how much I undervalued her when we were young. I didn’t see what I see now. I didn’t see that sometimes she had to be tough, because that’s what dealing with tough things does to you.

When her mother passed away from cancer, she was a pillar of strength for her family. Now, I imagine that the pressure is even greater. And while I know the she can withstand anything, I can’t begin to comprehend what she’s going through.

Hero is a loaded term, and I’m not sure if I believe that true heroes exist, but if there was ever a family that embodied what it means to be heroic, it is this family that has experience so much loss. Every member, living and deceased, has inspired hundreds of people to live bolder and more meaningful lives.

It is easy, I think, to be heroic when times are easy. It is much harder when your family, your sense of place, and your future are pulled out from under you. And yet, those who are heroic manage to find footing on even the shakiest of ground, reminding the rest of us what strength is and that we can, when we set our minds to it, withstand far more than we could ever imagine.