Girls, How About We Stop Policing Each Other? #ITotallyAteThat
Friday, June 6th was National Donut Day. I did not know this when I clipped a coupon for six donuts for $2.99 from the coupon circular. I did not know this when I stashed the coupon in my wallet for safe keeping, and I definitely did not know this when, on June 6th, I walked into Dunkin’ Donuts in Bridgehampton, NY and picked up two glazed, one chocolate glazed, one Boston cream, one chocolate cream, one strawberry frosted, and one chocolate frosted donut for the grand total of $2.99.
Despite my ignorance, I celebrated National Donut Day on the beach eating more than half of the six donuts. It was a great afternoon.
On the same day as National Donut Day, June 6th, the Huffington Post published an article about an Instagram account that “pulls images of models, bloggers and actresses posing with food, and shames them for pretending to eat things that they supposedly would never actually put in their mouths.”
I find the idea of this anonymous Instagram user policing food pics hugely disturbing. Women and girls have it hard enough without having what they eat cut apart by thousands of people online. Maybe some of these pictures were staged, and maybe there are moral implications to purporting to consume a food that you didn’t actually eat. But why do we care? Is making some women feel bad about what they are eating, or not eating, going to create anything positive?
Imagine if the hashtag was #WeCanTellYouAteThat, if instead of posting pictures of skinny models with cupcakes the account posted pictures of normal, beautiful, amazing women eating the same foods. How would people be reacting then? Rather than joining in the fun, I hypothesize that the same users who are commenting on and liking photos now, would decry the account as everything wrong with the way we view and treat women’s bodies.
Now, I really hope that no one ever creates that Instagram account because no woman, no human, deserves to be picked apart for who they are, what they eat, or how they are shaped. Places like YouDidNotEatThat serve as forums for hate and negativity where thousands of anonymous users descend like flies. If we don’t create these forums, they won’t have a place to land. Rather than dealing with insecurity, or perhaps just boredom, by shaming other people, they’ll be challenged to face their demons in hopefully more productive and healing ways.
Flipping the coin and thinking about what the opposite, a WeCanTellYouAteThat account, would look like has it’s utility. If one angle disgusts us, why shouldn’t the other? If you become enraged or upset by the idea of being judged for any aspect of who you are, there is no reason for you to be ok with someone else being treated the same way even if they, in this case primarily thin women, are placed in a position of privilege in our culture.
By shaming anyone we are digging our collective hole deeper and deeper. Calling someone out, no matter their shape, isn’t furthering the body acceptance or broader feminist movements. It’s a vicious cycle, a staling pattern, that keeps us from moving forward.
So, is any body more worthy of defense or criticism than any other one? I sure hope not.
Eating in my bathing suit (especially on the beach) is one of my favorite things. I’m glad you celebrated Donut Day and looked great doing it! Also glad you’re loving your body and encouraging others to do the same.
Great post! This sort of behaviour really makes me disgusted in people sometimes – we complain about other women like they’re the enemy, then engage in bitchy tactics like this to make ourselves feel superior. It’s so not acceptable – this is partly what I was touching on when I wrote about food shaming a few weeks ago (http://anastasiaamour.com/2014/05/01/food-shaming-self-deprecation-why-stop-justifying-choices/?)
Personally, I think we should all be able to eat the food we want to without fear of someone shoving a camera in our faces and showing the world our choices, as if we owe everyone something. Moderation is the key – if you want to eat a bunch of donuts, do it! Those donuts look delicious and I most definitely would have made the same choice 🙂
x Anastasia
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this. A friend sent me a link to that account and I found it completely appalling, for so many reasons. Shaming people for their bodies is never ok, whether it’s because we think they’re too thin, too fat, too yellow, too white, or whatever other characteristic you want to focus on.
Agreed. Women need to stop policing what other women eat and wear.